If there is one question that gets asked more than any other, it’s “how do I get my child to stop _______”.
Fill in that blank with a your choice of annoying/irritating/sometimes dangerous behaviors. Whining, arguing, procrastinating, having tantrums, swearing, avoiding chores, etc.
We’ve worked with a lot of families. Individually, in classes , in groups. Families with one child, several children, babies to teens.
This basic question is what most parents want help answering.
The first question I have is: How was the behavior ever rewarded and is it still? Children (and really most humans) don’t continue a behavior that serves NO purpose.
Does having a tantrum express anger and frustration? Does arguing turn into a power struggle that eventually allows the child to avoid the expectation? Is a fight followed by “making up” which offers much needed affection?
I ask “and then what happens….” until we figure it out, and we almost always do. If you can find the reward, it’s much easier to plan a strategy to stop the behavior.
